Archives for from where i live…

the cast server down?

It seemed to be. It came back up in the evening. There was no way that I could create my cast during the server down time.

Then, I’ve realised that my weekend activities are extremely depending on Skype(cast, I would say). I don’t skype someone pin-point. It’s not my way.

It is not a bad thing that I socialise with people on Skype, but I probably need face-to-face socialise to get a real life.

I need a real life apart from my company life.

a cast for nutters…

was my cast I held last night.

That was fun. I didn’t use a keyword ‘japan’. Then you get differenty layers of people you usually have. It may be because of the time I had the cast, but Europeans were main participants.

When you put ‘Japan’ in either a cast title of keywords, you get regulars all the time. If you want to get away from regulars for a while (I think it is OK to feel that way). I reccomend you to host a cast with a totally different name and keywords. You will be surprised by people coming in the cast with different background you see usually.

‘from where i live…’ again, I suppose…

So it all boils down to the basics. It is not how you speak it, but what you talk about.

I’m talking about English.

We often pay too much attention to ‘fluency’ when we speak English, but that’s not that important as long as you make sense to everyone else. It is a communication tool. What is important here is yourself how much knowledge you know in English and being able to express that in a constructive and civilised way.

So the conversation I had with someone else on this issue to improve my English is to have discussions in English. Use them! to improve it. We all know that. We are a wee bit lazy to do that and tend to drift away chatting around within our knowledge not trying to break our boundary.

So it may not be a bad idea to bring up ‘from where i live…’ to have a few hour discussion on a particular issue. I can start with participants cultural and racial heritage and goes into their life; I can pick up an article from the Net to discuss about.

I need a tag line to get the right people. Hmm… lemme think.

hosting a cast is like…

having a yatai on the street. People swing by. I am holding one right this moment, but no one comes in. ‘t’s fine. I like the feeling of it, thou… ‘m open to the world, hey.

Something is missing…

in my life, but I don’t know what it is. I am content, but I feel a piece of something is missing. What is it? A recognition? I don’t know.

a weekday cast…

I am thinking about hosting a weekday cast. Something like 30min cast for me to wind down…


They were 2 tablets of Nitrazepam, 2 tabs of Ethyl Ioflazepate, and 2 tabs of Etizolam (um, you can find the brands on the Net, I suppose).

Then, I was hosting the cast. I have no clue what I said. Ha Ha Ha, but this is nothing close to the overdose. What I am supposed to take is Nitrazepamx2, Ethyl Ioflazepatex1, Etizolamx1. I’ve cut down the dose a lot lately and I guess my chemical tolerance is low.

Anyway, I enjoyed the casts I hosted last night. Yeap, swing by if you wanna see a silly Japanese talking about nonsense.

I am going to try something new…

I am getting a bit bored with ‘late night sessions…’. I will try something new today to see what’s up.

When you sleep…

what are you thinking?

the very moment of you lose your consciousness and fall into sleep. Often, I think this may be the same as the moment I die. I don’t know because I haven’t died.

If you fall into sleep and something happened to you, you won’t wake up. So the moment when you lose the consciousness is the last moment you have in this life.

If I think about that, I don’t want to die in pain. I don’t want to die being angry at someone. I don’t want to die cursing someone. I want to die fulfilled that I have lived my life at the fullest.

Do you think about tomorrow when you sleep? I think it is the last moment of my life and the next morning I wake up, I thank my god that he gives me another day to live (by the way, I am not a Christian).

I don’t know it is just my thought.

I get silly…

if I take my sleeping pills (a lot). it is similar to alcohol…. the good thing is that I don’t get sick and throwing up. After a day’s hard work and I come back home and take the pills. They take the edge off. Of course, they put you in sleep, but there is always some sort of onset time until it really kicks in. The feeling of it is a wee bit similar to being intoxicated, I suppose.

I can’t remember exactly when I started taking the pills. I am quite sure that it was after giving up drinking and smoking. I was pretty worn out by everyday smoking and drinking. The amount was not devastatingly a lot, but fair bit, I think. Enough to consider giving up.

I sometimes think it may be better to drink the moderated amount of alcohol rather than taking the pills. I talked my shrink about it and I think he made a mixed statement. It depends on a person. Some people have physical tolerance to alcohol and some do not. I think I am not capable of handling the amount of alcohol and smoking, but I can control the amount of the pills, at least, the pills I am taking for the time being. I am fit, fit enough to run a full marathon which I could not do while I was smoking and drinking.

Anyway, It loosens me up a bit, but if I take them more than I need to. I get really silly. I slur as well. This post is being written under the influence of the pills. My illogical and nonsense writing gets more illogical and bs, hey?.

Oh… my pills are not over-the-counter stuff. So it is relatively potent. It gives you a buzz for sure (lol).

and coming back to my shrink comments on drinking and the pills. I think he is trying to reduce the number of the pills I take or to make me give up, but I don’t have any other way to take the edge off. and _He knows it_. I think I need to change my life style if I really like to give up the pills. To be honest, I don’t like to give up. It is much better than drinking. You don’t get sick, but if you take a lot (twice as much as you are supposed to take). You are going to have a hang-over. Well, I do. Nothing like alcohol, but you get drowsy the next day, not sleepy, but drowsy. Pretty mellowed out. It is OK if the next day is weekend, but it is not wise if you need to work the next day. I don’t take more than I need to in weekdays. well, these days, I don’t take much at all.

So it is my pill story, hey? I don’t about you, but if you drink a lot and you body is not good at handling alcohol, the pills are alternative. You may want to consider it if you are willing to give up drinking. it is not a wise choice to taking the pills with drinking. If you have tendency to addicition, you better stay on drinking. Well, it is your choice.

Oh… I usually try to go thru my writing to correct my grammar and rewrite sentences that do not make much sense, but I don’t bother this time.  It’s rubbish anyway, lol.

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